i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Randomize
