I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
