I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm passing your future prison.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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