I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
