He disabled his match.com account in front of me
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
