My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
