btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
