they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
