sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
