You can't special order awesome
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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