I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
