I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
