it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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