So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
