I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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