Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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