you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
