he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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