I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
