Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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