She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
