erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
