I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
