why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
