god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
