I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
