We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
why do cheetos always look like penises
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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