Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
