Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
