I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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