I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
