Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
