Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
