After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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