A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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