My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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