I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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