Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
