Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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