yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
