i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
