I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
smell my finger.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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