What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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