Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Do vagina's smell?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
