he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
