he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
