the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
