hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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