they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
