Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
