I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
