What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
