in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
