Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
