I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
